March 2015 Archive

Pinterest Pins of the Week

My ideas on decorating my future living roomsuper pretty but liveable and cozy…

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I want to get this adorable set for my Emerson, I almost fell over when I saw this!!

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A cake that is almost too pretty to eat!

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The kind of bathtub I always wanted…

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I can’t imagine a better table to sit at…these chandeleirs make my heart sing!

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If you have a little girl or have one on the way, check out this adorable room!

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I am in love with floral prints, and this pencil skirt is to die for…and so are the shoes!

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Here’s a swimsuit I am digging especially post-baby!

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This is my kind of gal

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{Photos via Pinterest} For more inspiration- follow me on https://www.pinterest.com/elleaimelavie/

Happy Pinning!

Kelly

So that Grieving Process does exist

When someone close to you passes away, there are emotions that you’ve never felt before, that come over you in stages and sometimes all at once. I never knew what the “grieving process” really was until I lost my dad.

When it first happened, I felt a major sense of relief. I know it sounds crazy. But watching him deteriorate so quickly literally felt like I was being tortured, and obviously he was suffering. Every day I’d bring Emerson to see him even if he was only able to be awake for a few minutes. Although I know it lifted him up a bit, I know his heart was aching. He finally had a grandchild that he always wanted and now his time was limited. I know it tore him apart. The thought of it was unbearable. Still is. So in a way I admit I wanted him out of this misery and to be set free.

I was blessed with support from all angles, my mom and husband, my friends, in-laws, and extended family came together to make each day a little lighter. At his funeral, the faces we hadn’t seen in years had felt like no time had passed at all. People came from all of his walks of life to remember him and honor his memory. It was a testament of the impact my dad had left on so many lives. And in a strange way I felt at peace that day.

But as time passes, naturally life moves on as it should and everyone moves right along with it. When the time comes for everyone to settle back into their routine and the dust slowly settles, you are left with your thoughts. I am referring to the ones you don’t have to think about when everyone is by your side.

Suddenly you realize that this change is permanent. You are forced to live in a reality you must accept no matter how badly it hurts. This grief as they call it comes over you no matter the time of day and no matter where you are. You can be in public or at work or alone in bed, and once it overwhelms you, there’s really no way to avoid it. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest and then pain sets in.

I have had a broken heart before and I have felt sadness in many forms. But this pain is something no one can prepare you for or even describe accurately. I describe it as pain from the inside that wants to come out but can’t. It’s in every part of your body all at once. You realize in these moments that “I can’t call them, I can’t hear their voice. I won’t see them again or hold them.” This brings me to another stage of grieving that I never expected.

For the first time in my whole life, I started to question my beliefs in God. Here I was given the most beautiful gift in this whole world, my sweet boy. And at the most exciting time of my life and what should have been the happiest, I was given the most devastating news. The thought of losing my dad was paralyzing. I remember praying for a miracle until my eyes were blood-shot. But after realizing that there wouldn’t be one, I just stopped for some reason.

I know that like all broken relationships we have in this life, I will learn to trust again and be able to talk to God one day soon.  But there’s a part of my heart that wonders what if there isn’t a place that I will see my dad again? What if he isn’t able to watch over Emerson and I, like everyone so surely still believes and assures me?

Jonathan once said to me, “Kelly you always believed in God’s plan before, you can’t just stop now because you didn’t like how it all turned out.” Quiet men often say the wisest things. He is right. But am I allowed to feel angry? No matter how much I try to focus on my many blessings, Emerson of course being the biggest, I can’t help but feel angry. I think it’s another stage in the process.

I feel angry at myself, angry with God, and angry at this world. It might not be justified or even right but it’s the honest truth. I have trouble comprehending why my dad had to suffer at all and why he was cheated the chance to watch Emerson grow. It breaks my heart when I imagine what his face would be like to see Emerson’s charming smile, hear his giggles and touch his little hands.

I know there are so many people who have lost loved ones long before they deserved to. I realize that people all over the world, near and far are facing struggles that I can never even begin to imagine. I want nothing more but to snap out of it and wake up to smell the roses around me. But I am not convinced that this would be entirely normal either. Perhaps this really is a process.

On my worst of days, I sometimes wonder if I am being punished for something I did or took for granted? How did this happen? How did the best that was yet to come, be taken from our fingertips? I know he felt that way too in his final days. Despite our many differences, I knew his heart and his mind like the back of my hand.

After all I am my father’s daughter. We loved the same, fought the same, and had the same passion, all of which caused us to have many disagreements over the years. And in true form, we were both  over thinkers, sometimes leading us to think regretfully. I don’t know how long I will regret not spending enough time with him like he wanted to everyday. Or doing what he wanted me to do because of the simple fact, he was my dad. I wish I had fought him less on so many things and showed my love for him more.

But I have to believe that I will have that chance again and that this was our plan. I just have to no matter what. Because if I don’t believe than I am giving up on him and that’s something I will never do, no matter how much of my faith is depleted.

I don’t know for sure if he knew how much of my heart would be missing without him. But I know through this blog, and through my stories, I will always share with the world what a force he was to me and the many other lives he touched.

Emerson and any other children we are blessed with, will know that his grandpa was here on this Earth to make mountains move. And I hope with every bone in my body that when I see him again one day that he will have seen it all and already know Emerson too.

So you see this is in fact a process that cannot be stamped with a time limit or defined by just any specific emotion. If you are going through it, try to know you are doing the best you can. That you aren’t being ungrateful for not seeing the brighter sides to things yet. You are just coping, and trying to make sense out of something that doesn’t make sense, period.

I hope through reading this, you realize that no matter how ugly and dark some of these thoughts are, they are a part of this life. Death is a part of this life and without it; you will never quite understand how precious life really is.

Thank you for listening,

Kelly

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Pinterest Pins of the Week

Here’s a picture that warmed my heart: I wonder what this little one is thinking? I bet…”I know how much I’m loved!”

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A lipstick that I must purchase: MAC Nouvelle Vogue (Limited Edition) Because A) you can never have enough lipsticks and B) Did I mention it’s limited edition??

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A good list of tips that I am going to follow when cleaning out a space: #5 is so me, I get it from my dad.

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An outfit that inspires me to get on my treadmill and make changes: everything about this look screams confidence to me and whatever she’s selling, I want to buy!

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A gift I’d love to get for someone: I have a thing for elephants. They are lucky and so loveable looking.

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Flowers that stop me in my tracks: Nothing like a cascading bouqet, instant romance for me!

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Some words to get me through certain days: I think this one applies to more than one area of my life. Yours too?

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A vision that I hope I get to live one day: Okay when I stumbled upon this, my eyes watered. I know the love I feel now. I can’t imagine when we get to this age. Makes me remember how much love actually is  in this world.

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{photos via Pinterest}

:) For more inspiration, follow me on Pinterest, my Happy Place.

https://www.pinterest.com/elleaimelavie/

 

Registry Tips: Make it the best experience!

I remember the day I went Regisrty shopping. I was guided that when I got there, I would be given a list of all the stuff I needed. And all I had to do is walk around the store with this clicker thing and pick out what I want.

Ok easy enough …so I walk in and get my handy list which is eight pages long. Ok maybe not eight but at least five! Long enough for the panic to set in.

You see I can follow a list, most people can. But what I read wasn’t anything I knew of, aside from maybe the words: blanket, bottle, and diapers. But even then, those items became a blur when I walked down the isles and saw twenty types of each blanket, bottle and diaper. And remember these were the words I knew! Did you know that a swaddler was a type of blanket before all of this?

So of course you can imagine how I was when I got to more complex parts of the list like bath tub protective faucet cover and interactive swing, bouncer, rocker, and sleeper! What!

I look back on that day and I must’ve looked like I was lost in a forrest to the people who were working at Babies R Us. I went up to them at least three times asking the question, “Um what is this?”. And they looked at me like, “Lady are you sure you’re ready for this!” LOL. But I really thought this was going to be no big deal. I remember saying to Jonathan, “Don’t worry, stay home relax, I’ll be home soon”.

 Did I mention that my cell phone died while I was there? I think I made three desperate phone calls before I was s*** out of luck. The first one was to my mom who didn’t know half of the items on the list. Because then there wasn’t as long as a list! The next call was to Jonathan who I think I yelled at because I told him, he should’ve come with me. (Mind you, I told the poor guy to stay home) And the third phone call was to my pregnant best friend who was patiently explaining to me the difference between a bassinet and a pack-n-play when the phone died! (She did her research!)

Needless to say that word overwhelmed is an understatement to describe how I was feeling and what I looked like to the public that day. Total Hot Mess seems more fitting!

So to save you from what might be a complete disaster, I have a few pointers that may help if this is your first time around doing THE Baby Registry.

  1. Stick to the basics. What are the necessities for this little bun in the oven? Bottles, blankets stroller, etc. for the first trip. Especially as a newborn, focus on the things you need right away. Go back to shop for the more in depth items.
  2. Don’t do it all in one shot unless you’ve done all your research and you know what items you want and what kind!
  3. Take another mommy friend with you who can tell you what is necessary on the list and what you can disregard for the time being.
  4. If you were like me and are clueless to it all, pick up the list first and GO HOME. Look items up to figure out what these things are and read mommy reviews. They are helpful.
  5. If the tall shelves of baby products freak you out like they did to me, do an online registry. And sit at home while doing it with your swollen feet up on the couch! (Amazon, BabyList, myregistry.com)
  6. Hold off on registering for clothes at a big store like Babies R Us because shipments will likely change and they will go on sale. Plus most likely you will get a bunch of onesies at your baby shower, which you will need.
  7. Register for what you want and as much as you want because often times you can get a discount if you purchase all the items that are left on the registry after your baby shower.
  8. If you can, enjoy this project with your sweetheart and look at it as a bonding activity that you guys can argue, laugh and be excited through it all!

Here were my must-halves and favorite items looking back…

The 4 Moms Mamaroo or a bouncer of some kind so that you can multitask!

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Dr. Brown’s bottles-loved these for my little one’s acid reflux and gasiness

 

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Swaddler Blankets-They have velcro and do it yourself!

Thermometer for little one’s ear-so much easier!

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Mini bathtub- you can put anywhere or just keep in your bathtub

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Pack N Play-there are so many out there and I used mine as a bassinet, changing table and play pen!

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Diapers! I use Pampers Swaddlers but also really like the Honest Diapers that get shipped to your house, are Organic and come in so many cute patterns.

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A video monitor that is high resolution, wireless and functions as a 2-way walkie talkie

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A snap-n-go stroller or click connect that your car seat can connect to-I can’t tell you how much easier these things are! They are more compact, lighter and quicker when you’re running around doing errands. And if you’re little one is sleeping you don’t have to risk waking them up by lifting them out of their car seat.

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Always learning,

Kelly

Words of Wisdom~Wednesday

 

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Pinterest Pins of the Week

Hair I’d like to try:

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I am loving this new hair trend called balayage. But don’t ask me to pronounce it!

Something I’d like to remember:

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I can be guilty of this. Be in my thoughts so much that I overthink every little situation that bothers me all because of a less unfortunate day. My life is rich in love and I need to remember this when I am only focusing on the negative.

Place I want to see with my own eyes:

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Vernazza, Cinque Terre, Italy… I can’t imagine a bad day in this paradise! Incredible.

Outfit I’d love to rock:

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I have a thing for polka dots anything and I also love to wear red… the combo might be minnie mouse to some but I adore it.

Book I’d like to read:

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I don’t get around to reading much but this was a New Year’s Resolution of mine. I have read a few books, and some by Emily Giffin, which I really enjoyed.

Space I’d LOVE to be in:

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I WILL set up an outdoor space like this at my home one day. Who needs a bedroom when you can sleep under the stars? And eat, drink and cuddle.

What I’d like to make:

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Avocado Pasta= healthier alternative to the creamy I love in every pasta dish.

 

{photos via Pinterest}