I have to admit then when I first found out I was pregnant, one of the first sentences out of my mouth when telling my mom the news was, “Can I still have a wedding?”
Looking back I know it sounds immature and was a somewhat poor reaction to such a miracle. But for someone who had been dreaming of a wedding my whole life and am as wedding-obsessed as I, it was a dream of mine I didn’t want to let go of.
The natural reaction to this was that of bewilderment, not understanding why I would feel the need to do anything with a baby on the way. This included my dad, at first. I remember him saying, “Kelly, you can’t continue with tradition when we are in an untraditional situation.” Feeling like I was 15 years old in front of him, both my mom and Jonathan tried to explain otherwise and why it mattered. By the end of the conversation he was on board. Being the daddy’s girl I was, it didn’t take too much convincing. The bottom line was that my dad would have done anything in this world for me, as long as we were together and I was happy.
So I went on trying to plan a wedding and being completely overwhelmed every step of the way. My energy started to dwindle as I grew more tired with the pregnancy and as I just grew. (You know what I mean) I called my dad and told him, “ just forget it, I don’t need to do anything and I can’t handle the numbers and details.” Wedding planning can obviously be stressful enough, let alone planning for a baby too. My dad understood and in the meantime we focused on getting legally married.
On Christmas Eve, we did just that and surprised the rest of the family with my mom marrying us. Both Jonathan’s parents and mine knew but the rest of the family was happily shocked. It was a beautiful night and I felt good about going forward to our next steps. But still very overwhelmed, I put actual wedding planning on hold until my dad called me shortly after. He told me that he wanted to walk me down an isle, and have our dance, and he wanted all his friends and family to see it. (Yikes dad, that could mean in his culture-everyone he’s ever known!)
He went as far as almost nailing a venue after making the event director somehow believe that he was doing us the favor of giving us every deal possible. If you knew him, you know what I mean. And he even sent me a very organized Xcel sheet of his guests with spaces for my moms and Jonathan’s. (He loved that too)
This post was never intended to be about my dad. But it just so happens, that my dad got it. He knew the importance of a wedding meant the magic it brings and the memory it creates forever. That it isn’t about wasting money and putting it towards a wedding that you or your family can’t afford. Please don’t misunderstand… I know weddings can be extremely costly and not everyone can have a big one or even a small one with all the glitz and glamour they dreamed of. (or pinned on their Pinterest boards)
It is simply about celebrating two people who have devoted time and energy to building an unbreakable bond, alongside the friends and family who helped them and was witness to it all. And our love was a longer story, a novel in fact, ok a maybe ten-book series that really was impacted forever by all the hearts of those who loved us.
I still love to stare at photos of weddings and I still dream of chandeliers hanging in trees, with dangling lights and candlelight. I still envision my best friends making hilarious and weepy-eyed toasts. And think about what Jonathan would think and look like when he saw me all dolled up in a wedding gown.
It still makes my heart so happy when I am sitting at someone’s ceremony and the doors open to the bride about to walk down the aisle. And nothing is better that when the music starts, the lights dim, and the first dance begins. Dancing with strangers you never met and smiling at everyone that catches your eye.
So if you’re wondering if I still dream of having that wedding…I do. I do more than ever before. I want to live those moments and hold that memory. Most importantly I want to live with no regrets.
Although my dad couldn’t be here for it, one day hopefully soon, Emerson can stand in his place and my dad’s presence will be stronger than ever. How exceptional is that?
So however and whenever you choose to plan your wedding, make it about what’s important to you and your darling. Don’t worry yourself with what may come up or what bumps you hit in the road. (Or a baby bump) Enjoy every minute, because soon it will be a memory. Whether that memory is just you two on an island, or surrounded by a sea of people, it’s YOURS…make it last forever.
After officially becoming Mr. and Mrs.
photo by Darling Juliet Photography